Sing-a-long...

So, we decided to do a blog to make it easier for us and you, our family and friends to read along.

Most blogs that we've read are "A Journey to [name of child]," but since we're not sharing our name(s) right now, we wanted to come up with something clever. We've been reading one titled "Is there salsa in China," and really liked that, but it was already taken. So, we came up with "Mairzy doats and dozy doats."

The reason? Well, my grandmother used to sing this song to me when I was a little kid and I have always loved it. Jenn is the one that came up with the idea and voila... here we are.

A quick tour... on the left you will find all of our emails that we sent out previously, plus a lot of links. I encourage you to check them out, it's quite fascinating. But, before you do, we have a sing-a-long...

• Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you
• Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you
• If the words sound queer and funny to your ear A little bit jumbled and jivey Sing, "Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy"
• Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you
• Oh! Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you

We're educated parents-to-be...

Originally written July 21, 2006

Today was our class titled "International Adoption Parent Education" -- and the last requirement of our agency.

We spent eight hours (and earned a certificate) learning about international adoption -- as if we haven't done any research over the past 10 months.

It was different to walk into the room and have three tables reserved for people adopting from China, two tables for Ethiopia, one table for Guatemala, and one table for Korea. We were among two people that have their logged-in date and only two people that just received referrals. We're now juniors instead of freshman.

Items covered include: "Hidden losses and resolution of grief in the adoption process;" "Cross-cultural and transracial parenting;" "Attachment/bonding/blending;" "Medical issues in international adoption;" "Talking about adoption across the lifespan;" and "Adoptive families presentation."

While this information is very informative and sometimes useful, here are our comments...

Hidden losses and resolution of grief in the adoption process: This session talked specifically about biological losses, adoption losses, loss of privacy and control, limited information about your child's life and future, loss of "normal" family status, loss of complete medical history, genealogical bewilderment, and grief.

• COMMENTARY: fun, fun fun! This session actually started the morning, to which we've dubbed it "the dawn of the dead." Honestly, this session was more geared toward losing your dreams and settling. It was about how your child will probably go through the stages of grief from what they've known to what is there new norm. The speaker primarly works with troubled boys and did not know much about international adoption.

Cross-cultural and transracial parenting: This session talked specifically about why it's important to think about your child's racial and ethnic identity, identity needs of children adopted trans-culturally, every child is entitled to love and full-membership in their family, positive cultural and racial identity, preparing our children to deal with prejudice.

• COMMENTARY: This was a pretty good session. It talked about not allowing racism into your lives. How to handle those comments, remarks, etc. How we will no longer be a caucasion family -- we will be a cross-cultural, transracial family. It is important to make sure our child knows and is proud of their own heritage. They talked a lot about "white privilege."

Attachment/bonding/blending: This session talked specifically about how we may not get what we want, we may not like what we get, and how this child is not seeking a parent.

• COMMENTARY: Basically, what she was saying is that what we are requesting may not come through. For example, we've requested a female under one year of age. We may get a female that is 18 mos. old. You just never know. Also, there have been a lot of people who have not bonded to their child and whose child has not bonded with them. All-in-all an okay session. Our favorite part was the Cabbage Patch doll demonstration. Priceless.

Medical issues in international adoption: This session talked specifically about what diseases your child could bring with them.

• COMMENTARY: While this sounds ridiculous, it was one of our most favorite (and popular) sessions. There was a pediatrician who did the presentation and we LOVED her. Anyway, here is a list of health problems specific to Asia: malaria, hepatitus A, B and C, HIV, parasites, lead poisoning, fetal alcohol syndrome, tuberculosis, and psycho-social dwarfism. She suggests that we take a lot of medication over with us and that we get re-immunized. Fifty-percent of international travelers get travelers diarrhea -- Ann, does this sound familiar???

Talking about adoption across the lifespan: This session talked specifically about experiences and child rearing.

• COMMENTARY: This was cool. We got to listen to a mother and her 32-year old Korean-American adopted daughter. It was VERY cool to get an international adopted adults perspective. The other family that was on the panel have adopted three daughters from China and are awaiting their I-171H for their fourth. The entire family is going back to China to get their fourth child. Pretty cool. Both had a lot of great advice and was fun to listen to their experiences in raising their children. Oh, and it's always great to see the kids and how healthy, happy and typical they are at their ages.

Adoptive families presentation: This session talked specifically about traveling in China.

• COMMENTARY: It's always fun and exciting to hear these folks experience as they are all the same. This is one of the main reasons we chose the China program -- because everyone has the same experience.

So, what's on the horizon for us now? Waiting, waiting, waiting. The Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has moved. Which means, they've shut down for almost a month -- no referrals are happening. CCAA has reviewed all applicants with a log-in date (LID) through October 2005. Remember ours is April 2006. So, there's a six-month lag time. Additionally, the supply is still small. So, rumors are 18 to 24 months for referrals. However, we keep hearing that this is cyclical and should pick up the pace soon. We're still telling ourselves 12-18 months.

Thanks to those who have sent in the fabric squares -- they really mean a lot to us. For those of you that haven't, please continue to do so.

This will probably be one of the last emails that you will get from us until our referral comes. If anything happens that we are not aware of, we will keep you posted.

Love... us

100 Good Wishes Quilt

Originally written June 16, 2006

Okay... we know we promised no updates until July-ish, but we ran across the article below that published in today's Chicago Tribune that we just could not resist.

This article is following Kelly Haramis (Chicago Tribune reporter) that is adopting her child from China. Typically, it's a weekly article in the Q section of the Sunday Chicago Tribune; and, of course, we are addicted to her story as it well represents ours.

But this Sunday's just touched us more than most. Apparently, "in some sections of China, it is good luck to make a 100 Good Wishes Quilt for a new baby." So, this is our latest mission. We want you, our family and friends, to provide us with a 7" x 7" piece of fabric. It can be the design of your choice. We also want you to provide a "wish" for our daughter. It can be anything you want it to be (suggestions are in the article below). Just please make sure you attach a piece of the fabric you purchased to the wish, so our daughter will know who it came from.

You can purchase one for your whole family; you can purchase one for each member of your family... it just depends on what you want to do. We will be working toward a goal of 100.

We would like to have all of the fabric squares to us no later than the end of Fall 2006 so that we can have a quilter assemble the squares.

Love... us

================================

QUALITIES OF LIFE
Warm wishes bundled up with a baby quilt
By Kelly Haramis
Tribune staff reporter
Published June 4, 2006

My daughter may still be in China, but she has 100 good wishes waiting for her in a flowery fabric-covered scrapbook.

Perhaps even a few more than 100, as at least two more of my friends have promised to participate in the Good Wishes Quilt that I will soon have made for her. In some sections of China, it is good luck to make a 100 Good Wishes Quilt for a new baby, and the practice has caught on with many adoptive families.

In November, I wrote that I had 57 wishes and fabric squares. Since October, I swapped fabric twice with parents-to-be from the September 2005 DTC (dossier to China) group on yahoo.com, and I have also received fabric from relatives, friends and co-workers.

For those unfamiliar with the process, 100 people send a piece of 7-by-7-inch fabric (a "quilt square") and a separate wish for a baby with a small swatch of the same fabric.

It has been exciting to receive the different pieces of fabric (from Mardi Gras masks from a fellow parent-to-be in Louisiana to cowboys from a family in Texas).

One of my co-workers gave me fabric that her mom used to make her quilt when she was a baby. And the scrapbook showcases a fantastically colorful array of wishes: Some are handwritten poetry, others are biblical, some literary. There are Chinese proverbs and even an excerpt from "Cinderella."

I can't wait to share these wishes with my daughter and hope the quilt and book will stay with her through her life.

Still, there's one good wish that is missing, one that I wish, more than any other, that I could give my daughter: a wish from my mother.

Last week marked a year since my mother's funeral. It was an unexpected loss--she was fatally struck in a crosswalk (my mom had the right of way) by a man driving a truck.

I think about my mom every day--about how excited she was to once again become a grandmother.

I know I'm not alone in becoming a mother without my mother.

The subject of Hope Edelman's new book, "Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become" (which is on my "to-read" list), is proof.

Still, I wonder what my mom's wish for my daughter would have been. I think she would have wished for my daughter to be blessed with self-confidence, respect for herself and others, and a strong desire for education.

Why? Because those are the qualities she instilled so strongly in me.

Without a wish from my mom, my sister copied the wish that my mom gave my niece, who was adopted from China in February 2004. My mom wrote:

"Always see the beauty in all that surrounds you, mornings, sunshine, blue skies, soft rain, moonlight, stars, promising spring days, long hazy summer days, cool crisp fall days, quiet snowy days, flowers, trees and meadows.

"Remember to smile and always find the cup half full because happiness comes from within."

Well said, Mom.

So what about my wish to my daughter? I'm still working on it. Besides I have a little more time to ponder--the wait is getting longer.

Yet even now, with the words still unformed, I know my wish will have something to do with a lifetime of eating hot fudge sundaes, flying kites and listening to stories about her late grandmother.

I hope my daughter will always be able to look at her scrapbook, feel the Good Wishes Quilt soft against her skin and, like me, know the same unconditional, never-ending love from her mother.

----------

Kelly is writing periodic updates for Q as she waits to meet her daughter from China. For Kelly's past adoption updates, please see chicagotribune.com/adoption.

kharamis@tribune.com

We're logged in!

Originally written May 20, 2006

We have received our logged in date of April 24, 2006. Great news!

This means that we should receive our referral/match in 10 to 12 months from that date provided the rumor mill isn't true. We've heard two rumors... it will take 18 months OR it will take 36 months. Who knows what's true. We stay out of the chat rooms as there's typically no basis for those comments.

If you've seen the latest reports on Dateline or Primetime Live or any of those shows, you know there is not enough supply to meet the demand. While we hate putting it that way, it's the truth. The Chinese Government is just now realizing that their population is uneven... there are more men than women. So, they feel as though they needed to do something. They're now offering to families a retirement bonus if they keep a girl. This bonus is usually more than what they make in a year and will help them live during their golden years. Other reasons include an increase of applicants and babies being stolen from their birth families and given/sold to new families so they have a wife for their sons.

You won't hear from us much over the summer as now it's all a waiting game. Our next update will be in July after our "parent training." This is not what you think. The purpose of this is to help us transition our child to her new life. Topics include: not letting anyone hold, feed or change her for the first two months, how to deal with "raging," among other things.

The purpose of not letting anyone hold, feed or change her is because she needs to develop a bond with her parents. While in an orphanage, there are many hands that change, feed and hold her. It is extremely imperative that she knows who takes care of her.

Raging: because her routine/life is changing 180 degrees, there are times when the child could "rage." This is due to overstimulation, different language, and just not understanding what is happening. Our friends child went through this stage, but it lasted for, maybe, two weeks after coming home. Now she's doing tremendous.

That's about it from beautiful Rockford, IL.

Have a great summer!

Good Friday!

Originally written April 14, 2006

It was definitely a Good Friday for Jennifer and I.

After nearly seven months of working on paperwork, we received our approved dossier back from the Chinese Consulate's office in Chicago.

If you remember correctly, we started this process with our application in September 2005. October was our initial overview appointment. November and December were devoted to our home study. January began our true paper chase; and, has just ended.

By the time I got home, the post office attempted to deliver the package and the earliest I could get it would have been today after 11. Thank God our wonderful carrier saw the garage door open and decided to try again! Had it not been for her, we would not have received the packet.

In the packet, the Consulate put in the change ($15) from our over payment in CASH! If you remember, they gave us a very hard time about over paying.

I made copies. Jenn came home and sorted. And then we submitted everything to our caseworker and are DTC (documents to China).

We are officially PAPERWORK PREGNANT! WOO HOO

Our next step is to get our logged-in date. We should receive that in about a month or so. Once we get that date, it will be 10-12 months later for our match/referral and travel two months after the date of the match/referral.

================================

GOSSIP: Apparently China had some turnover and that is the reason why it takes so long to get our logged-in date.

MORE GOSSIP: If you remember from the beginning, we were told six months for our referral/match. Then it went to seven. Then it went to eight. Then it went to eight to 10. Now we are at 10-12 months. The reason? We've heard two stories:

1. the workers haven't matched the paperwork up with the children because they are so behind.
2. With the influx of applications, at the moment there is not enough supply to meet the demand.

Who knows the real truth? We try to stay out of the online chat rooms and just let our friends tell us. The wait is hard (and long) enough. We don't need to read gossip.

================================

On a separate, but related, note. We went to our first waiting families group that our agency organizes. There were only three couples... us, the Ventura's and the Tallackson's. We've met both of them before. This time the Ventura's have received their referral/match. Katelyn is beautiful. She actually looks like a chunk. I can't tell you the excitement you get for people you don't know that well when they get their referral. And, it really helps us to know that it does happen. The Tallackson's will be next sometime this summer. It's quite funny... the meeting started at 6. The organizer was ready to go at 8. And the six of us stood in the parking lot and talked for another hour. And we still weren't ready to go. Jenn and I are the oldest in the group but only by two-or-three years.

Other than that, that's about it.

It was a great day yesterday and one, we will forever remember.

Love... us

Chicago... our kind of town

Originally written April 7, 2006

Hey all... hope all is well...

We finally received our I-171H last Saturday -- April Fools Day, 2006. Typical! This was the very last document we were waiting on and it was from Immigration. Basically, it tells us that we are cleared to adopt internationally. Jennifer and I took Friday off to go to downtown Chicago to get our Illinois documents certified by the Secretary of State's office. Once we got the 11 documents certified, we then went to the Chinese Consulate's office to drop them off for authentication. We don't understand 100% why that's necessary, but it's part of the process.

We had 14 different documents that needed to be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate's office. This cost us about $300. We should receive those back in overnight mail on Friday or Saturday this next week. Once we receive them... they go to our agency and we will be officially 'paperwork pregnant.'

This was a huge day for us as it's taken six months to get everything completed in order for us to adopt from China.

The Secretary of State's office charged us $22 and it lasted less than ten minutes. The Consulate's office was about 45 minutes by the time Jenn had organized everything. We have five copies of our entire dossier: the originals and four copies. One copy also went to the Consulate's office, another goes to our agency, the originals go to China and two for safe-keeping.

We had to have $300 in cash and a $300 money-order for the Consulate, because it depends on which way the wind blows as to what form of payment they want. And, our money-order was $15 more than what it needed to be and a couple that went last week were given change and we weren't. I told them to keep it. She wasn't happy with us, but we had already endorsed the money order and were, basically, screwed if they didn't accept it. Hopefully, this won't hold the paperwork hostage.

It was extremely weird and difficult handing over six months worth of work and put it in the hands of someone else -- especially for control freaks like us! But we did it and worried the rest of the day. I finally had to say to Jennifer... ENOUGH! As we were both freaking out.

There are a lot of people out there that refuse to adopt because of the stress and hoops the process has you go through. We really haven't been overly stressed this entire time. It's just steps in the process for us. But, again, when you hand over six months worth of work and they give you a hard time for paying $15 more, you can't help but stress out. They are in control and can make it or break it for you! So, I'm hoping they'll keep the $15 and order lunch with it.

While we were there, we met a woman from Aurora who was adopting her second from China. Her first, Reagan, was absolutely beautiful and doing very well in her development and motor skills. Actually, we ran in to her at the SOS office and then at the Consulate. She gave us some tips for travel... only pack three days worth of clothes and use the dry cleaners... don't buy any baby supplies, buy it at the Wal-mart in China (mom, Larry, I'll take pictures for you since you LOVE the Wal-mart), and practice squatting over a hole-in-the-ground for BMs. I'm excited!

It just still amazes me the connection the China adoptive parents have and how they're willing to share, communicate, and encourage each other. It's quite cool!

The entire day Friday, we walked a total of 15 miles and, boy, our legs and feet were telling us to stop. So we did.

This morning, we woke up, went to Fields and then on to Chinatown for shopping and lunch. We found a VERY cool, authentic Gioza basket while we were there. Basically, it's circular, stackable and has five compartments. We're planning on using it as an end table in our living room. It's a part of the Asian culture and we're trying to find out how it was used back in the day. Anyway, it's cool! See the attached photos.

We got home about 2:30 -- a record hour-and-a-half trip home from Chicago with construction! WOO HOO!

Love... us

First class or coach?

Originally written March 25, 2006

Not too much is new on our end. We have everything ready for our dossier except for our I-171H from Immigration. It's our understanding that someone was terminated due to some type of scandal -- yeah. Therefore, it's taking a little longer for us to get our form back. Two weeks ago, Tuesday, they were working on the week of Jan. 19. They received our home study on Jan. 26. So, we're hoping to get it this week. If we do not have it Monday evening, we will get our caseworker on it.

Speaking of caseworker, ours quit. Apparently I pushed her over the edge. Big surprise there! No, seriously, she got a different job where she won't have to commute. Thank God our home study was complete.

Once we get our form from Immigration, we will go to the Secretary of State's office in Chicago to have our Illinois forms certified. Once that's complete we will go to the Chinese Consulate's office and get all of our forms authenticated. When we receive our packet back from the consulate, we will then be able to officially send our dossier to China. The big important step after that is to get our logged-in date from China. Once we receive our logged-in date, we are officially paperwork-pregnant. Our "pregnancy" will last nearly 10 months . Then we will travel two months after that to get our baby(ies).

In the meantime, we've been keeping ourselves busy picking names, researching furniture and having panic attacks. For those of you who haven't been to a Babies R Us... DON'T GO! It's crazy, overwhelming, and, quite frankly, INSANE!

We have also been invited to start a local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). We went to our first meeting this past Thursday. It was pretty neat. Although not too much work was done, we did get to meet a lot of people. We really bonded with two other couples (Mellissa and Steve and Vince and Dani) that are in our age range. Vince and Dani should receive their match from China this week or next. Mellissa and Steve had a logged-in date of July 19, 2005. So they should receive their match sometime in May. It was quite funny because the six of us were the last ones to leave and we kept talking until we got into our respective car.

HINT: Mellissa and Steve's parents are paying for them to fly first-class to Hong Kong.

Naturally, I will be on the marketing/P.R./Web site committee and Jennifer is on the education committee. It's pretty neat. We decided this group will offer bus trips to Chicago for various Chinese attractions, Chinatown, etc. There are also famous Chinese adoption authors available to do a book signings in our area and just social events with our newfound family -- Easter egg hunt, picnics, Chinese New Year celebration. It's cool.

[PAY FOR KEVIN AND JENN TO FLY TO CHINA FIRST CLASS]

Our friends, Will and Amy, will be traveling to Hong Kong Tuesday to pick up Allison. We are very excited to read about their travels through their blog. If you remember we both work with Will at the paper. They are so excited and Allison is a beautiful girl.

[PAY FOR KEVIN AND JENN TO FLY TO CHINA FIRST CLASS]

Through the advice of several Chinese adoptive parents, we bought a couple of books. One is about the Chinese culture, events, holidays, etc. And others are children's books about why they're adopted, etc. For a Chinese celebration example: on the eve of the Chinese New Year, kids receive 'lucky money' envelopes, which are red. In the envelope the money has to be even dollar amounts, but not four -- I guess that number is bad luck. But double fours ($8) is good luck. These envelopes are put under their pillows to receive on the new year. Additionally for first day of the Chinese new year you cannot cook or clean -- something my mother adopted many years ago. No cleaning because you're wiping away the luck of the new year.

[PAY FOR KEVIN AND JENN TO FLY TO CHINA FIRST CLASS]

We have also joined a 'Waiting Families Group' that meets the second Thursday of every month. Jennifer will have to go as I work on the Highland Chronicle on those same days. So I will be interested to hear about that group through our first meeting. Again, this is a social group that the other two couples we met take part in. I'm sure here we will meet other couples that are in the exact same place as we are.

[OKAY PAY FOR KEVIN TO FLY TO CHINA FIRST CLASS]

So, that's about it for now. It's just great to now know several people that are going through exactly what we are going through. I mean, these people who have adopted from China are, literally, coming out of the woodwork (as my grandmother would say). We have another family who is a principal at one of our local high schools that lives on the same street as we do who adopted through China. We work with three other families alone that have adopted through China. And there are acquaintances in Freeport that have adopted through China. It's just amazing the huge network we have here.

We will keep you posted as we know more.

Love... us

The paper chase...

Originally written February 12, 2006

hellooooooooo...

We've got another update...

Saturday we spent the day in Naperville, IL getting fingerprinted for Immigration. This is our third AND FINAL set of fingerprints. It started out with a very angry young woman that works at Immigration. At one point she literally said to us... "all you adoption people have been extremely rude all day long. And, it's your choice to go through this." Well, isn't that special? This was after she thanked us for being nice. Hard for me to bite my tongue...

So, Jennifer went first and was cleared right away. Everything scanned perfectly. Oh, did I mention fingerprints are computerized now? Then it was my turn. Well, apparently I don't have scannable fingertips. After about 30 minutes of them trying to scan my fingers, they asked me to do the old fashioned ink and paper prints. This way they would submit both my scans and my inks. I finally chalked it up to the fact that I work too hard and have worn my fingers to the bone. But as Jennifer says "all you do all day is surf the Internet." WHATEVER!

Then we went shopping. Naperville has great shopping.

Today, we had our final meeting before submitting our dossier. We have everything ready for our dossier -- with the exception of the results from the Immigration scans. Those scans will provide us the I-171H document that needs to be included for China. Basically, what this document tells you is that our fingerprints match our home study.

We did find out today that our birth certificates and our marriage license need to be certified by the State of origin. Which means, we have to send all three to Indianapolis for them to prove that they are real documents. Not too difficult, right? Just wait. I found out from the State of Indiana today, they will not accept our birth certificates because they were done at the County level. Therefore, I had to order two more copies of our birth certificates through VitalChek.com. We paid $56 in shipping for $28 worth of documentation. For those of you already thinking ahead, you're right. What about our marriage license? Well, they WILL accept that from the County level. Oh, and get this... we had to turn in our County birth certificates to get our County marriage license. We spell bureaucracy as B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!

So where do you go from here?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

After we receive the certified documents from the State of Indiana and our I-171H from Immigration, we will go to Chicago to have the rest of our documents certified by the State of Illinois. After we leave the State of Illinois Secretary of State's office, we will -- literally -- walk to the Chinese Consulate (on State St, near Marshall Fields-- yeah!) and have them authenticate the documents. This costs $30 per document and they will authenticate while we shop. I mean, wait. At that point, we will turn our thrice-authenicated-copies of our dossier into our agency, who will then submit it to China.

Okay, as you have already figured out, we are now into March. Jennifer and I have already planned to take Monday, March 13 and/or Monday, March 20, 2006 off to go into Chicago to have this done. We are hoping to get everything authenticated on one of those two days.

I do have to tell you that this guy we work with, Will, is also going through Lifelink and the China program. Their dossier acceptance date was May 15, 2005. They received their match two weeks ago and she is precious. They have named her Allison and will travel in four to six weeks from now. I have to tell you that when Will showed me Allison's photos, it was amazing. She looked very happy. The quality of the photos were good -- I guess I was expecting to see a black-and-white xeroxed copy -- and only one. They received four different photos in color and all were very clear. She is a beautiful, healthy little girl. There was one picture of her sitting outside in a walker. Not to get too weird, but it was very emotional.

As of today, we have paid 30% of our fees. So, we are now accepting donations...

Love... us.

The final frontier...

Originally written December 15, 2005

Today was our final meeting for the home study, and... we were approved. Which is code that our check cleared.

Seriously though, we had to give her a tour of our home so that we "offered a safe place for our child(ren) to live."

Michelle also walked us through the State of Illinois' DCFS compliance document for becoming foster parents -- which is 20 pages. It included comments like

• "We will provide our child a mattress that has springs and is level, clean and suitable for a child to sleep on."
• "We will provide our child three meals a day and will not be more than 14 hours a part."
• "We will not feed our child from our own food source unless it's FDA approved" -- which means we can't have our own livestock and feed them the meat on our own -- or eggs or whatever you please.
• "We can't offer a boarding house." Which means neither set of parents will be moving in with us.

Our caseworker was very good in saying that this was bureaucratic and we went through the 20 pages rather quickly. It's just amazing the types of things we had to agree to -- like the fact that we will not have two kids share the same room if they are of opposite sex under the age of 6. Additionally, our children could share the same bed if they are the same sex until they were age
2 -- or something like that. We had to agree that we would take them to the doctor for regular checkups, etc. Very obvious stuff, but yet it's just amazing stuff that we have to go through.

Although we agreed to these things, we didn't even have to sign the 20-pg document. It was all checkmarks and then the caseworker and her powers that be signed the document. Very strange.

So, where do we go from here? We are submitting our last request for fingerprints through Immigration / Dept. of Homeland Security tomorrow. It will cost us $685 to get an "invitation for prints." This is the "pre-approval" to bringing our daughter(s) home. Once we receive the "invitation
for prints" there will be a date on there that we have to get our final set of prints -- which, we'll probably have to go to Naperville to have this set done. Once those come back clear, we will be able to submit our dossier. The only other piece we are waiting on in order to submit our dossier is the final clearance from DCFS. Which is key for us to get. The problem with DCFS is that they are now moving offices -- which could be a huge delay in our process. We are hoping that we have "made the cut" before they started packing up. We'll see...

We will not meet with our caseworker until after the holidays -- probably the second week of January. At this time, we will go through our dossier to make sure that everything is correct and complete. Hopefully, we will then be able to submit our dossier to China. Then the waiting game begins...

NOTE: for those of you that are our references, the agency's secretary never sent out the forms. They should have gone out today or tomorrow. So you should expect them by sometime next week -- just in time for the holidays. Please make sure you get them filled out and returned as soon as possible.

Until January 2006, happy holidays.

It's all about us...

Originally written December 5, 2005

Well, today was our latest meeting with our caseworker, Michelle.

If you remember, today's meetings were individually.

So, I was first up. When we sat at the dining room table, the first question out of her mouth was "Kevin, let's talk about you. Who is Kevin McFatridge?" Ahhhh, my favorite subject.

So, she asked me how I was as a child: "an opinionated brat," I said. She asked what my parents were like. I said, "wonderful... to my brother." Seriously, I said "I was a spoiled brat. I wanted for nothing." Although I did bring up my baby book and how the only thing that was filled out was my name. My grandmother had to fill the rest of it. I told her that the hair that I had in my baby book was actually my dog's. But, my mother convinced me it was mine. I didn't know you were born with gray hair???

She asked a lot about my sperm donor (biological father) and a lot about my stepfather. She asked a lot about high school and what I was like. She asked about college. I gave her this look like, "I went to college?" Oh yeah, that was my year-long party, according to Larry. We spent a lot of time on religion. Oh, my absolute favorite subject. My response, of course, was "I think you can be spiritual without having to go to church every Sunday" -- organized religion is not for me. She also asked a lot about the golden child -- Mark. I told her that although he hated me when we were kids, he finally saw the light. Especially after Ryan and Emily were born.

She asked what I liked to do as a kid. How do I answer "I knew every episode of The Brady Bunch and The Golden Girls and Three's Company and Facts of Life and The Love Boat and many many more? Well, it wasn't easy. I had to dance around that one very delicately. But it ended up working out. "I like to work in the yard" [because my parents forced me to.] "I'm very good at scraping car windows" [because that's how I got my ride to school from the golden child -- my brother.] Skills, everybody needs them.

Enough about me, on to Jenn...

She answered every question.

That's about it.

No, seriously, she asked her a lot of the same questions, but spent a great deal on her family -- ie: her parents. She asked her how the separation of her parents has impacted her as an adult and what she has learned from it.

Talked about how Jennifer is a natural nurturer. That's who she is and always has been. Talked a lot about friendships and "how you don't have to have a lot of friends to be somebody. It's the ones that mean the most" to her "are the ones she works hard at maintaining." The friends that she can count on one hand are the ones she would do anything for -- and you know who you are.

She asked Jenn what are our plans for child care. And, at this point, it would be daycare. Although, who knows what will happen once that precious child is in our care???

Jenn had to describe herself as a child and her answer was "I followed the rules." Good God is that not the freaking truth. It's still amazing to me that we found each other: the rule breaker and the rule follower.

Lastly, we each had to give adjectives that described ourselves. Jenn's: loyal, disciplined, truthful, honest, and generous. Kevin's: creative, fun, responsible, trustworthy, and non-judgmental.

Our next visit is next Thursday, December 15, 2005. This is the last visit for our home study. We will be giving her a tour of our home so she can make sure it's "a safe place for a child to live."

It's still amazing the amount of paperwork that we had to do. For example, we've been fingerprinted for the second time -- because the stupid FBI, DCFS and Immigration can't communicate with each other -- where are our taxes going anyway? We got our employer letters that says we are in good standing with the company. And our criminal background check was done -- thank God, we passed.

Finally, on Monday we have our physicals to do. The doctor has to fill out three different forms for the three different agencies: Lifelink, DCFS and China. CRAZY!

For those of you that are references, you should have received forms. Please get those filled out ASAP and back. Oh, and be nice. Lie if you have to.

That's it. Sorry for the long email, but we really want you a part of our process. It's an amazing journey, and as our friend, Ann puts it "2006 is going to be an amazing year."

Peace

So, here goes...

Originally written November 21, 2005

A lot of you have emailed us asking to be kept in the loop of our adoption process. We believe that this is as good for us as it is for you – to document.

We had our second meeting (interview) today with our social worker,Michelle. This is the first phase of preparing our home study. Jennifer and I were interviewed together. Questions like: "how did you meet?", "why did you get married?" and "why do you think you would be good parents?" were the topic.

It's strange to answer these questions as it's often feelings and questions that we all tend to take advantage.

We had some very good dialogue with her that included what we want our child to learn from us -- what are our top goals for her to learn with us as parents.

Interesting dialogue. I don't want to go into detail as it'll often bore some of you, but also because it's personal between Jennifer and I -- oh and our caseworker.

But, we have turned in most of our paperwork. We are still waiting for our employers letters saying we're in good standing and all that stuff.

We've been fingerprinted once for the FBI -- that was interesting considering we were arguing with two women that were "off the clock" at 7:59 p.m. when their shift ended at 8 p.m. and all they had to do was write us a receipt for $20.

I think we argued for more than 10 minutes -- well enough time for them to write a receipt five times. But it ended on a high note when the Police Chief called our house to apologize for their behavior. So they got their due!

We have two more fingerprints to do -- one for DCFS and one for immigration. We won't do the immigration one for about a month or so. Our next meeting is set for December 5, 2005 -- Monday. We will meet separately with Michelle to talk about our parents and how we were raised and our childhood.

I'm sure I'll be there for a very long time on the topic of my mother. I've got a million stories -- like the one I like to share about how my mom cooked twice a week -- our big Sunday night dinner and then leftovers on Monday. Then we ate at the Little League park the rest of the week. Or how about the one when she used to make me buy her Merit cigarettes for her at the Sunoco Station on US24.

Too funny!

Taking the leap...

Originally written November 7, 2005

As many of you may know, we have begun the adoption process and have decided to go internationally through the China program. Our application has been submitted and today was our first meeting with our social worker. As you can imagine, there's a lot of bureaucracy. I think we have a ream of paper that we need to fill out -- literally. We have paperwork to fill out for our agency -- Lifelink -- DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) and, of course, for China. The amazing thing is we have more paperwork to fill out for our agency than we do for China. We also have to be fingerprinted three different times -- FBI, DCFS and China.

Our home study will officialy kick-off on Monday, November 21, 2005. This is the meeting where our social worker will begin interviewing us as a couple. Two weeks later, she will meet with Jenn and I separately, then two weeks after that, she'll take the "home tour." This is to make sure that we have a safe home to bring the child to as well as adequate space.

Once we have been approved as potential adoptive parents, we will begin work on our dossier. The dossier preparation is not overly difficult. It just takes time on receiving the information in order to submit -- fingerprint(s) analysis, etc.

We are anticipating our dossier to be submitted to China as early as January 2006, but more likely in February. Once that is complete, we should have a "match" about six months later. So, we should know who our child is around August 2006.

We will then begin organizing our travel arrangements for two months later October/November 2006. We will be in China for 10 days and will have to prepare a "photo board" of our family -- be it ourselves or including some of you. This "photo board" is to represent us and tell the story of who we are.

We will receive our child(ren) on either the second or third day of arriving in China. The child(ren) will be anywhere from 9-13 mos. old, and, will, of course, be female.

In the meantime, we will be networking other couples that are in the same stage as we are. And, more than likely, will be traveling with them next October/November to China.

In the Spring, we will be taking "parenting classes" that is a requirement. These are two sessions on parenting.

We will be requesting twins, but because twins do not run in the Asian culture, we will probably adopt one girl. But who knows, there have been a few times in the past that couples have brought home twins and even triplets. We'll see...

For those of you we asked to be our references (non-family), you will be contacted by the agency to find out how we are/who we are/what we'relike/etc. Now, be nice!

I think that's it for now. It's going to be a fun, strange, and often times stressful journey for us. We ask that you be supportive and enthusiastic for us during this crazy year. I'm sure it will fly by.

Much love.