We're educated parents-to-be...

Originally written July 21, 2006

Today was our class titled "International Adoption Parent Education" -- and the last requirement of our agency.

We spent eight hours (and earned a certificate) learning about international adoption -- as if we haven't done any research over the past 10 months.

It was different to walk into the room and have three tables reserved for people adopting from China, two tables for Ethiopia, one table for Guatemala, and one table for Korea. We were among two people that have their logged-in date and only two people that just received referrals. We're now juniors instead of freshman.

Items covered include: "Hidden losses and resolution of grief in the adoption process;" "Cross-cultural and transracial parenting;" "Attachment/bonding/blending;" "Medical issues in international adoption;" "Talking about adoption across the lifespan;" and "Adoptive families presentation."

While this information is very informative and sometimes useful, here are our comments...

Hidden losses and resolution of grief in the adoption process: This session talked specifically about biological losses, adoption losses, loss of privacy and control, limited information about your child's life and future, loss of "normal" family status, loss of complete medical history, genealogical bewilderment, and grief.

• COMMENTARY: fun, fun fun! This session actually started the morning, to which we've dubbed it "the dawn of the dead." Honestly, this session was more geared toward losing your dreams and settling. It was about how your child will probably go through the stages of grief from what they've known to what is there new norm. The speaker primarly works with troubled boys and did not know much about international adoption.

Cross-cultural and transracial parenting: This session talked specifically about why it's important to think about your child's racial and ethnic identity, identity needs of children adopted trans-culturally, every child is entitled to love and full-membership in their family, positive cultural and racial identity, preparing our children to deal with prejudice.

• COMMENTARY: This was a pretty good session. It talked about not allowing racism into your lives. How to handle those comments, remarks, etc. How we will no longer be a caucasion family -- we will be a cross-cultural, transracial family. It is important to make sure our child knows and is proud of their own heritage. They talked a lot about "white privilege."

Attachment/bonding/blending: This session talked specifically about how we may not get what we want, we may not like what we get, and how this child is not seeking a parent.

• COMMENTARY: Basically, what she was saying is that what we are requesting may not come through. For example, we've requested a female under one year of age. We may get a female that is 18 mos. old. You just never know. Also, there have been a lot of people who have not bonded to their child and whose child has not bonded with them. All-in-all an okay session. Our favorite part was the Cabbage Patch doll demonstration. Priceless.

Medical issues in international adoption: This session talked specifically about what diseases your child could bring with them.

• COMMENTARY: While this sounds ridiculous, it was one of our most favorite (and popular) sessions. There was a pediatrician who did the presentation and we LOVED her. Anyway, here is a list of health problems specific to Asia: malaria, hepatitus A, B and C, HIV, parasites, lead poisoning, fetal alcohol syndrome, tuberculosis, and psycho-social dwarfism. She suggests that we take a lot of medication over with us and that we get re-immunized. Fifty-percent of international travelers get travelers diarrhea -- Ann, does this sound familiar???

Talking about adoption across the lifespan: This session talked specifically about experiences and child rearing.

• COMMENTARY: This was cool. We got to listen to a mother and her 32-year old Korean-American adopted daughter. It was VERY cool to get an international adopted adults perspective. The other family that was on the panel have adopted three daughters from China and are awaiting their I-171H for their fourth. The entire family is going back to China to get their fourth child. Pretty cool. Both had a lot of great advice and was fun to listen to their experiences in raising their children. Oh, and it's always great to see the kids and how healthy, happy and typical they are at their ages.

Adoptive families presentation: This session talked specifically about traveling in China.

• COMMENTARY: It's always fun and exciting to hear these folks experience as they are all the same. This is one of the main reasons we chose the China program -- because everyone has the same experience.

So, what's on the horizon for us now? Waiting, waiting, waiting. The Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has moved. Which means, they've shut down for almost a month -- no referrals are happening. CCAA has reviewed all applicants with a log-in date (LID) through October 2005. Remember ours is April 2006. So, there's a six-month lag time. Additionally, the supply is still small. So, rumors are 18 to 24 months for referrals. However, we keep hearing that this is cyclical and should pick up the pace soon. We're still telling ourselves 12-18 months.

Thanks to those who have sent in the fabric squares -- they really mean a lot to us. For those of you that haven't, please continue to do so.

This will probably be one of the last emails that you will get from us until our referral comes. If anything happens that we are not aware of, we will keep you posted.

Love... us